How To Write Personal Stories Without Judging Yourself

Sometimes your biggest critic is closer than you think.

As a writing instructor and workshop leader who specializes in personal narrative and memoir, one of the most common things I see when writers begin this kind of writing is a judgment of self or of their experiences. Writers edit their stories before they even begin to craft them or put in sentences that allude to, “I know someone else has it worse” or “I’m lucky that at least I didn’t …” Yet, personal stories that connect with readers the most will come from a place of vulnerability. Here are my tips for how to approach your personal stories without letting that little voice in your head take over: 

• Write without judgement. Guilt, shame, and embarrassment are roadblocks that can get in the way of telling your stories. Allow yourself the opportunity to write the story first without judging it. There will always be a chance to edit later but give yourself the freedom to write what comes to you. 

• Don’t compare. Let’s get one thing straight—someone has always potentially had it worse than you but that doesn’t mean your story doesn’t matter. If an experience stayed with you, there is a reason. Your story may not connect with every reader—it is not meant to—and that isn’t your problem. Write it for the people it will resonate with. 

• Write for yourself first. The process of writing for yourself and writing for the reader are two different things. When we write for ourselves, it gives us the opportunity to examine and process our experiences. When we write to put it out into the world, that is when we need to think about the reader and what we want them to take away from the work. I always recommend writers begin a personal piece for themselves. We all have stories to tell. Think about the ones that changed you, the ones that made you who you are. Maybe you fell in love. Maybe you got your heart broken. Maybe you faced a challenge you never saw coming. The stories are there, the trick is to acknowledge them and let yourself see the value in how they have shaped your life. 

• Just tell it like it was. Write your story in an observational way. What I mean by this is to relay the story without analyzing it or judging it. Instead, simply write exactly what happened and how you felt in the moment. Drop the reader into those key moments but resist the urge to explain yourself. Instead, let the story speak for itself and trust that by allowing the reader to walk in your shoes, they will find the meaning.  

• Allow yourself to be vulnerable. Accept all the different sides of yourself and the backstory you carry. Resist the desire to paint yourself as the hero of the story. Allow the reader to see your insecurities, your doubts, and your faults. Life is messy sometimes and showing that in your personal stories will make them human. Allowing the reader to see this creates intimacy and trust. The important thing is not whether you made mistakes along the way but what you learned, how the experience changed you, or how it shaped the way you see the world. 

• Be as kind to yourself as your most supportive friend would be. Too many times instead of thinking about the people who the story will resonate with, writers think about the people it won’t—maybe it’s your mother with the stiff upper lip or an overly critical friend—whoever it is, don’t let them shape your story. It’s yours. Trust that you are the best person to tell it. 

• Look for the character arc. Personal stories don’t always need to have a happy ending but they do need to demonstrate growth as a person. The idea is to lead the reader through the process of how you got to where you are now. 

• Be proud. Remember that it takes bravery to tell your stories. Personal stories are just that—personal—and it takes a special kind of writer to have the courage to open themselves up and share some of the most intimate moments of their life. It helps to remember that by doing so, you may help another feel less alone, create conversations, or open someone’s eyes to something they have never been through. 

A single story can matter. Keep going! Keep writing yours!

Looking for more writing inspiration? Visit darceygohring.com to find out about my upcoming workshops and private one-on-one writing consultation sessions.